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Записи с темой: Я (список заголовков)
03:03 

I know it's not common to write here in english...but there's an english mess in my head...words...phrases...and all about the same...
sometimes I wonder if I really need this...if I need to go through it...will it come to any sensible point?
the answer frightens me...and I want to escape from it...
I love him...he said he loves me too...but where is his love? it got lost between the lines that had been written...so many lines...so many sentences...about love...about us being together...lines that make you happy when you read and that couse sorrow and pain when you think them over later...
he...he is the one I need...he is the one I want...I want my son to have his eyes...it will never happen...the worst is that I realize it...I do realize but i can't get over him...
I love him...and I hate him...I hate how he disappears for days...or weeks...I hate when he says he misses me...I hate how he cuts me over and over again...I hate how weak he makes me...I hate that i depend on him...I hate that I BELONG TO HIM!!
I can't concentrate on anything...he is everywhere...in my head,in the air I breath,in my eyes,in my heart,in my room...in my pc...in my earphones...on my desktop!!!
uh...one day!! I know one day I'll be strong enough.....

@темы: Грустное, Личное, Любовь, Мысли вслух, Настроение, Отношения, Чувства, Я

00:58 

как же все таки плохо!! грустноооо! :( жизнь не устает издеваться надо мной!!
так одиноко...устала от всех и вся!
устала от самой себя! устала жить!! уже не раз задумывалась о суициде!
однажды я даже ЕМУ сказала,что наверное кончу самоубийством! ГЛУПАЯ!! так он сам был готов меня убить после моих слов
потом сказал,что это не выход...как же...я думаю,что это выход...
не хочу даже с друзьями встречаться...не хочу никому портить настроение...но и уже отговорок не осталось...
что это? почему?
неужели депрессия?!:depress:
если так,то и суицид не за горами ненавижу себя за эти слова...и не уважаю
аааааааааааааааа!!!! хочу исчезнуууууть!!!:apstenu:

@настроение: "АААААААААААААААА"!!!

@темы: Грустное, Бред, Личное, Мысли вслух, Настроение, Негатив, Размышления, Чувства, Я, мысли

20:43 

Ненавижу, когда забываю про тушь и тру глаза!:horror2:

@темы: Бред, Грустное, Мысли вслух, Настроение, Я

21:59 

One day,when the warm sun beams were burning my body,I saw you.It seemed that happiness and love,strayed from the long way,found a shelter in my heart...I was trembling with all of my essence.There was no one and nothing around me,the sun disappeared,the people vanished...I felt myself in your heart,wanted to get lost in one of the deepest corners of it where no one could find and take me out...
I aproached,wanted to say something...my lips started to move but not because of the uttering words...My lips were moving with yours...
I couldn't manage to breathe,I was losing my respiration but it meant nothing to me...I was ready to give my last breath in your arms,to assimilate my soul to yours and leave my breathless body forever in your arms...
I loved...or...I WAS loving...
But I felt quilty...what for? For loving,for being engaged in this madness with you!
Yes,I was quilty...but you were not innocent either...
For a while my senses seemed to return.I freed myself from your embrace,stood two steps far from you...two steps...WHOLE TWO STEPS...
My heart was modulating unevenly,my eyes were filled with liquid which was falling down my cheeks drop by drop...
I was longing for and meanwhile I was afraid...I was longing for you and I was afraid of you...
Both of us were burning from desire,realizing that would be lead to hell because of that...
Yes...were realizing...were realizing untill the senses left us again...
The next moment again kiss-full of love,of passion...
A moment of love...a moment and a whole life...A life beside you,in your arms,living with your breath...
I couldn not even believe that it was real and I'd better not to believe since there was no next kiss,you were no more there neither was your breath...there was no soul assimilated to yours...
Only darkness--fearful,miserable...
Loneliness--sad,painful...
There was only one thing real in all these--the liquid in my eyes which was falling down my cheeks drop by drop...already in my opened eyes...opened after a whole life...
YES,it was a dream--unreal,desired...
It was a dream...You were a dream...
WE were a dream...

@музыка: A Fine Frenzy-Almost Lover

@темы: Личное, Любовь, Чувства, Я

08:47 

не спала всю ночь...зато реферат готов...не могу дождаться когда же наконец каникулы настанут...устала от всего этого...преподаватели уже ночью снятся...вот два дня назад снился преподаватель,который ну просто меня ненавидит...и во сне то же самое...накричал,заставил извиниться не знаю за что и удалился...ну,в общем-КОШМАР!!! и зима не зима у нас...снега нет,солнце светит...ну натуральная весна...представить себе не могу новый год без снега...грустно:( вот...уже голова болит...надо бы поспать хоть немного...пожалуй так и сделаю...просто захотелось кому-то пожаловаться...:( и дая такая голодная :(

@музыка: Guns N' Roses-Knockin' on Heaven's door!

@темы: Мысли вслух, Я, в задумчивости

02:18 

Люююдииии...я только-только зарегистрировалась!!:vict:

@музыка: Sunrise Avenue-forever yours

@настроение: так себе

@темы: Я

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