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Записи с темой: Грустное (список заголовков)
03:03 

I know it's not common to write here in english...but there's an english mess in my head...words...phrases...and all about the same...
sometimes I wonder if I really need this...if I need to go through it...will it come to any sensible point?
the answer frightens me...and I want to escape from it...
I love him...he said he loves me too...but where is his love? it got lost between the lines that had been written...so many lines...so many sentences...about love...about us being together...lines that make you happy when you read and that couse sorrow and pain when you think them over later...
he...he is the one I need...he is the one I want...I want my son to have his eyes...it will never happen...the worst is that I realize it...I do realize but i can't get over him...
I love him...and I hate him...I hate how he disappears for days...or weeks...I hate when he says he misses me...I hate how he cuts me over and over again...I hate how weak he makes me...I hate that i depend on him...I hate that I BELONG TO HIM!!
I can't concentrate on anything...he is everywhere...in my head,in the air I breath,in my eyes,in my heart,in my room...in my pc...in my earphones...on my desktop!!!
uh...one day!! I know one day I'll be strong enough.....

@темы: Грустное, Личное, Любовь, Мысли вслух, Настроение, Отношения, Чувства, Я

00:58 

как же все таки плохо!! грустноооо! :( жизнь не устает издеваться надо мной!!
так одиноко...устала от всех и вся!
устала от самой себя! устала жить!! уже не раз задумывалась о суициде!
однажды я даже ЕМУ сказала,что наверное кончу самоубийством! ГЛУПАЯ!! так он сам был готов меня убить после моих слов
потом сказал,что это не выход...как же...я думаю,что это выход...
не хочу даже с друзьями встречаться...не хочу никому портить настроение...но и уже отговорок не осталось...
что это? почему?
неужели депрессия?!:depress:
если так,то и суицид не за горами ненавижу себя за эти слова...и не уважаю
аааааааааааааааа!!!! хочу исчезнуууууть!!!:apstenu:

@настроение: "АААААААААААААААА"!!!

@темы: Грустное, Бред, Личное, Мысли вслух, Настроение, Негатив, Размышления, Чувства, Я, мысли

20:43 

Ненавижу, когда забываю про тушь и тру глаза!:horror2:

@темы: Бред, Грустное, Мысли вслух, Настроение, Я

22:35 

I threw a glance into the sky...I don't know why.Maybe I looked for the God for everyone says that's where he lives.Or maybe I wanted to find you for everybody knows that one can make different images by means of the clouds...But I found nothing...I saw only the pale sky and the sun shining fainly from behind the clouds...I closed my eyes and tried to recall your face...In front of my eyes the clouds still retained,and your face was seen just like the sun-from behind the clouds in the distance...It was distant but so familiar...I even feared to open my eyes as I knew I would immediately lose you...
All of a sudden a gasp of wind touched my face...I thought it were you...The touch was so pleasent,so sweet,but...It seemed the wind was doing that on purpose as if realizing that was giving me a painful pleasure...Though it hurt but I didn't want to lose that moment,I desired to stop the time...and stay there with you and with the wind...That's what I did,but suddenly the wind left...I longered my arm to hold it but I didn't open my eyes...Why didn't you let me keep the wind,why didn't you let me open my eyes??I feared to lose you but I lost the wind...
I felt that it was high-time to open my eyes as your image was already sinking in my tears..Tears which were mine,as was the wind!
I had already opened my eyes ...you were no more there,but the wind came bringing with it some whisper...That whisper was like your voice-so quiet,so soft....
The tears were continuely running...The wind was playing with my hair,whispering something on my ear...
I wondered what was going on as it was not an ordinary wind...You were not in front of my eyes but you were everywhere...I felt your presence...My body was trembling with the touch of the wind...
I looked around...all was still,the leaves were motionless,but around me there was a wind which was gradually developing into a storm...
For a moment I wanted to run away from all these...Maybe I feared of being engaged with that madness....but I couldn't move...I stayed there...with the wind...with my tears and you....weak,powerless...

@темы: Воспоминания, Грустное, Любовь, Рассказ, Чувства

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